It's hard but it's true... U r probably bipolar. Even a bit of a psychopath. But there are solutions. You feeling like you needed help is actually admirable, it means you are mindful and conscious and fundamentally good. The causes of that behavior are psychodynamic, meaning it's probably long lost in your memory but you might have had people with extensively opposite behaviors growing up. And you subconsciously fed into that. For example if your mom is sweet and doesn't talk too much but your dad shouts at people every chance he gets and displays violent intent, I'm afraid you might've integrated that to your personality. But, don't worry, there's a solution: You should note your emotions and reasons on a notebook daily and explain why u acted so, journal or diary endemetsaf. Keep away from negative people, show your gratitude to people whenever you can, even when they did nothing for you. Love everything. Connect more with people. Seek religious solutions, as well. And work harder to improve the magnitude and way you express your emotions. Sorrow feeling lalkew, I don't think u bchahn aydelehm everyone has ran out of tears to be honest and in some ways it's a sign of being determined.