I'm really sorry to hear about your loss; it’s completely understandable that you're feeling this way. Losing a parent is an incredibly profound experience, and it's natural for those feelings to resurface, especially during significant moments like family gatherings. You're not being selfish at all—it's a sign of how deeply you care and how much you’re still processing your grief. Dealing with grief after losing a parent is a deeply personal journey. Allow yourself to grieve and experience a range of emotions without judgment. Engage in activities you enjoy to bring moments of joy, and consider journaling to express your thoughts. Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help ground you, and volunteering can shift your focus outward. Remember to be patient with yourself, as grief has no timeline. Prioritize self-care and reach out for help when needed. Stay strong!