I  have lost hope i lost interest in life ,i  selfsabotage ,dont like my self,lost interest ,feel guilty for what i did in my past (suicidalattempts)i still can't believe i tried it many times. when i remember i was willing to leave mymama alone i literally cry ,beating myself up for what my horrible shitty father did ( beating my mom making her cry like a baby), for us being in a financial hell hole ,not helping my mama with money even tho i dont even have money for my own  taxi ,0 money in my account btw i am 20f,i literally haven't been happy in a longtime but i have to fake it a cuz i dont want to disappoint my mum,i dont want to bother her with my money problem gen men large i am in college with nothing ,cant work cuz of my schedule.would really appreciate it if you could helpme out