In this text, i see a woman who has loved someone so much yet has been done wrong. I see your emotional brain trying to trick you that you are doing this "once and ever to get over him". Naah. That ain't it baby. You have a feeling that he might have changed. You are thinking it might be possible to bring what you have lost. This is unique feature of women. They prefer to feel than to think. They become emotional specially for someone that they have a feeling for. It always amazes me. It sometimes look stupid but that is just how you guys are. You have to always ask yourself if you are "feeling" or "thinking". The person you love the most is the least you should trust and rely because they will take you out of logic.