It sounds like you are feeling very isolated and left behind by your peers. It's understandable to feel this way, as it can be difficult to be the only one of your friends who hasn't gotten married or had children. It is also okay to not be in a relationship right now.
If you are feeling anxious about your life outside of the country, it may help to talk to someone who understands what you're going through - a trusted friend or family member, religious advisor, or even a therapist if possible. Talking through your feelings will help provide clarity and perspective on what steps you may need to take next.
In terms of the weed smoking, quitting marijuana does not make someone selfish; that tends to be more of a trait that comes from within. You could try engaging in activities that challenge yourself or invigorate some sense of purpose and passion into your life such as taking on new hobbies, volunteering for causes close to home, dedicating time for exercise, etc.
Above all else though, take things one day at a time and stay optimistic about the future!
Dec 24, 2022