I have read it all. I understand what you going through. But I don't even know what to say to you... but one thing I wanna say is that don't fight it..Don't try to forcefully shut off your feelings. That will make it harder. It doesn't work that way. Just let any feelings come and go in their own time. You may finally have to move on and completely be separated with this person. Of course you can do that. But that takes time. It won't happen the way you want or as fast as you want it to happen. But it will happen in its own pace. You will move on if you have to. Just give yourself enough time. You deserve it. Don't rush it eshi...you have all the time you need. Relax! Wishing you all the best!